This past week has been TOO much for me. The sudden change, the endless desperate Skype calls, and the uncertainties. The pace is just too fast. Have you had a feeling or thought of crying all day to let everything go? You don’t know what’s wrong with you. You just want to cry for no reason. Ok, I’m in that position now.
I need to take a break from everything to cool myself down. See ya in a while!
I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again. I’m not excited about working in KL at all. Part of the reason is that I don’t know the country! I hate this feeling of not knowing what to expect. I’m kinda lost and intimidated and I’m not confident about it at all.
For studying, I’d prefer to go to a country that is unknown and foreign to me. Before I went to the Netherlands, I didn’t read anything about the culture or the people or even the country itself. I wanted to surprise myself and experienced that culture shock. I deliberately did that.
But for working, I’d rather go to somewhere I’m familiar about. I’m not sure why it matters so much. Somehow, working in a familiar place boosts my confidence. I know how to deal with the people. I know the tricks. I know what to expect. I know what to do. I know my way around. I just feel more confident about myself.
But, seriously Amel!!! You just have to dive into it whether you like it or not!!! What’s so different about working and studying in a foreign country, anyway?! Both of them are foreign to you and you just have to get used to it!
Meh. Oh well.
I’m trying to list the good thing about living in KL/Malaysia so that I’m not too stressed out about moving there:
It’s been a week (or more) that almost the whole Europe is panicking about E.coli. Some of my friends are quite careful of what they eat. One of them is even thinking about not eating veggies at all!
How about me?
I just couldn’t care less. The older I am, the more I think that death can happen to anyone tomorrow if Allah SWT wants it. The destiny of each person has been written already. If I were destined to die tomorrow, whether or not I would be infected by the E.coli, I would die anyway! Ok, that’s creepy right?! Hahahaha.
But you know. Veggies are not even banned by the government. It’s different when you eat veggies that are contaminated with E.coli (and you know it before hand), then that’s the same as suicide! But the veggies are still safe to eat! So why bother to be paranoid? Hehehehe.
I was also laughing when people got suddenly afraid when it’s "predicted" that Jakarta would have tsunami or earthquake in few years time. First of all, no one can predict WHEN exactly the earthquake will happen. Second of all, (back to my previous point) if you’re the only person in Jakarta who was destined to live, you would live no matter what! You would live even though the whole Jakarta was flat!
Ok, that’s just me, you know. The ignorant part of my brain ticks in. Hence, this stupid post 😛
Lagi nunggu apa, neng?
Hahaha. My friend captured this JUST at the right time! I love candid pictures! Oh, and the camera was great too 😉
Well, how can I say write this? I’m getting a bit emotional now.
It isn’t exactly right to say that my only sister is ill. Because most of the time she is perfectly fine. But let me put it this way: for more than 5 years, she’s been struggling and suffering. Almost every year, there’s a time when she has to be sent back to Jeddah and take a break from the university for months. Everyone, especially my parents are worried about her. She has a lot of dreams but somehow her suffering prevents that.
My parents asked me a few moments ago if I’d be willing to live with her for 2 years until (at least) she graduates. They wanted me to take care of her and hoped that I could find a job there. This was a hard decision to make knowing that I got a lot of things I wanted to do (in Indonesia) but I knew that I had no other choices. I gotta do this for sure :(. I never thought of (temporarily) giving up my dreams to someone coz for me it was impossible. But hey, it doesn’t seem impossible anymore. I’m sad, because I’m still in shock but I know I’ll get over it soon.
I ask myself this question: am I not destined to go back to Indonesia? LOL
Your spouse is a gift of Allah to you. And to be ungrateful to a gift is to be ungrateful to Allah ‘Azza wa jal.
Your parents are a gift of Allah to you. So if you don’t have a good relationship with them, who are you actually be ungrateful to?
— Nouman Ali Khan
MasyaAllah. Yet another slap to the reality by one of my most favorite speakers. I was searching for some Islamic-related talk on YouTube about forgiving (remember, vulnerability?) and ended up listening to his lecture about Time, Love, Praise and Encouragement in Relationships. The lecture is filled with simple reminders on how to raise a kid and be a good parent and spouse.
But THAT quote really made me sick of myself. I’ve never felt so upset about myself.
Thank you ya Allah for the reminder. May Allah reward his efforts for delivering an excellent talk. And may I be constantly reminded. Amin ya rabbal alamin.
* I encourage everyone of you to watch this brilliant talk, even if you’re a non-Muslim or not religious. His other talks (of different issues) can be found on YouTube and I’ve been one of many people who have benefited from them.
I was reading my old post about my experience working in Saudi Arabia and suddenly I remember the conversations that I had with my Saudi clients:
Client: Where are you from?
Me: Indonesia
Client: Really?! I thought you’re a Filipino!
Me: No, Sir. I’m 100% Indonesian.
Client: Wow! How come your English is so good? Where did you learn that from?
(I was asked with this question for so many times. They just couldn’t believe that I was an Indonesian. Damn I was offended!)
—
Client (on the phone, talking to his boss in Arabic): Yes, I am standing with a young woman now… Filipino, Malaysian, or whatever… She is handling everything.
Me: zzzzzzzz….
(He really thought I couldn’t understand Arabic! And what’s with the assumptions?!)
—
Client: Wow, you’re definitely the first Indonesian woman that I encounter working in an office.
Me: (smiling, but wanting to give him a slap to the reality, seriously)
—
Client: You have done a really great job! I’m satisfied with your work and all your help. We should have a coffee or tea later.
(I knew his intention and this was something that could not be done in Saudi Arabia! I could be arrested by the religious police and accused of khalwa!)
Me: Sorry, sir. I’ve got no time for that.
—
Client: Are you married?
Me: (extremely annoyed) Sir, I believe in professionalism. Can we put all the private questions to a side, please?!
(I felt like saying: it’s NONE of your business! Hehehe)
Mom: Have you been talking to that guy?
Me: Which guy? *pretending to be stupid*
Mom: You know… XX?
Me: Oohh.. THAT guy! Nope.
Mom: Why? He’s a nice guy, you know.
Me: Mom, I don’t know him, okay? *getting grumpy*
Mom: But you can chat over the internet, right?!
Me: *silent*
Mom: Or maybe you’re trying to hide your relationship again… like you did last time with YY?
Me: Hey, Mom! Do you know that I’m going to Egypt at the end of this year with Asti and one other friend?!
—
A usual conversation between mother and daughter that is hard to avoid. Every phone conversation is the same. I’m going crazy. HEEEELP!
Brené Brown wrote:
Sometimes the toughest part of embracing vulnerability is recognizing vulnerability. There are so many secondary emotions that spring to the surface and grab our focus. I wrote this in my journal this morning as a little reminder to look deeper, be mindful, and practice self-compassion. I don’t want to shut myself off from vulnerability because I don’t want to miss out on what it brings to my life: love, creativity, joy, authenticity, courage, and hope (just to name a few).
So, here is my own version of recognizing vulnerability….
Vulnerability is…
Vulnerability feels like…
The list is expanding… One thing I notice about this list is that most of them have to do with exposing myself, being transparent, and allowing myself to be really seen. Obviously I have a lot of "work" to do 😀
OH MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some people just can’t LEAVE ME ALONE!
When I said NO, it’s a NO. It’s not going to change after YEARS or even centuries. It will never be! And this person, this specific scary person, shows up again. For God’s sake, GET A LIFE!!!!!
This world is full of scary and wicked people! *____*
*Sorry, I just feel like throwing everything out. I hope all the crazy people read this. Grrrrrrr.