Project 365

Caution: This is a completely rubbish blog post. Don’t waste your time.

I’m slowly turning into Saudi. In terms of lifestyle, of course. Sometimes I wonder… Gosh, what kind of life I’m living right now?

I sleep everyday at 3am or 5am. Then wake up at around 1pm (SAY WHAT?!). Yes, one o’clock in the afternoon. I don’t need to eat for breakfast anymore. It’s lunch time already. After lunch, I indulge myself on the internet, TV, movies, or books. It goes on like that until sleeping time. Yeay, welcome to my boring life!

I want to go somewhere. Do something different. But where? And most importantly, HOW? I’m just too bored of malls. Beach isn’t that exciting as it’s still quite hot. Desert is not my thing. Meeting up with friends? I’m not in the mood of doing that anymore.

Maybe it’s just me who’s too moody and too hard to be entertained right now. I know that really well; living here for more than 3 weeks can turn me into a mad woman. So, yeah, look at me now. A mad freaky woman. My mind is in Holland right now. Take me back there!!!

I’m tired of complaining. I’m tired of waiting. So what should I do? Get mad?

Isn’t it cool and scary at the same time that it takes us not more than 6 human-to-human connections to be related with anyone in the world?

I knew about six degrees of separation when I first joined Friendster many years ago. The website allowed us to see the connections that we have with other people and it’s the only coolest thing about it, really. I encountered this term again by accident a few days ago.

Every time I met new people, there’s a great chance that we share common friends. Or their friends had some kind of connection with my friends. I’m talking about the Indonesians, of course.

The world is indeed so small. And it’s becoming smaller and smaller. Let’s keep on spreading our wings and encountering new friendships so that there’ll be less misunderstandings and prejudice between us; and create the world full of loving and peaceful people 🙂

It’s definitely not about my residence permit. But it’s a very very good news coming from Brisbane, Australia!

A close friend of mine sent me a message today that she’s planning to get married next year. And she insists me to attend the wedding ceremony and be her maid of honor! I was so happy and thrilled upon reading her message!!! I was crying of excitement! I felt so touched too, to be one of the first people to know about her plan — and not to mention that she chooses me as her maid of honor! Wew, I feel so honored! This would be my first time to be a bridesmaid!!

Ah, next year is still a long way to go. But I don’t know how I’m going to do this, seriously — knowing that I already have so many traveling plans laid out. Going to Australia is not cheap. The travel costs are too much and I haven’t got any money for that yet. Maybe I should book AirAsia flight from KL to Gold Coast by this year. And maybe I should cancel my other plans and put them for the year after. Or maybe I’ll do all of them. It really depends on my financial situation next year.

Whatever happens, I can’t refuse to attend the wedding, as I have promised her for many times that I’d come back to Australia if she’s going to get married. She also kept her promise that she’d tell me about it a year ahead before her wedding, so that I would have enough time to prepare. She’s even willing to change the wedding date if the time doesn’t suit me! So there’s no reason for me to not attend the wedding! Hehehe.

If I eventually go back to Australia, it’s going to be a sweet reunion! I haven’t seen her ever since I bade farewell 2 years ago, although yes, we do have Skype session once in a while. I miss the 3 years we spent together as a roommate. And I’ll meet other friends back in the college too!!! I can’t wait! I’m sure Brisbane has changed a lot. I want to reminisce the good old days. Ah, those sweet days that are unforgettable. Insya Allah I’ll find a way to be there.

Who wants to join me? 🙂 (maybe this would be the best time for me to go to Cairns too! To see the Great Barrier Reef!!!! If only money can be grown like plants…)

Ya Allah, let me leave this country, please? I can’t stay another week here. I have so many things to do. I miss my carefree life back in Eindhoven. I miss my friends. And most importantly, I AM BORED HERE!

Departure date was changed to Sunday. I really hope that the permit will be out by then! Amen.

Life is somehow full of irony. Full of surprises. Let us go back in time 14 years ago. It is now 1996, Junior High School.

I sit in the back seat of the class, not too excited to hear the lesson given by my teacher. I can barely hear what she is trying to say, anyway! The class is too crowded. Everyone is busy with their own thing. Chatting. Drawing. Making jokes. The teacher does not seem to care. She is giving a lesson to the three pupils in front of her. And she probably thinks that we does not exist.

The class is getting more like a fish market rather than a place to get someone educated. The boys are getting so bored that they keep on teasing us and making us annoyed. I have been in the same class with them for years and I know how naughty they are! They love to mess around with us and the teachers! Being punished in front of the class becomes their daily food. And they do not have a slight regret about it!

… and let us go forward to the future. It is now 2010. Andalus Mall, Jeddah.

Here they are! We are all reunited once again. I have not seen them since God knows when. We talk about relationship, love, life, work, and many random issues. Damn, it has been so long. They all have changed! They have surely grown up. I can no longer see a naughty boy who likes to get into troubles, but I can only see a man. A good man with a good heart and responsibilities await :).

I am curious of what kind of future we are all going to end up in. What will we become in 10 years?

* Such a great day with some friends! Thanks all 🙂

• My little brother “officially” became my driver today! He drove my mom and I to a mall nearby. I sat on the back seat and refused to look at the road as I freaked out so easily and it might mess up his concentration! 😛 He hasn’t got a driver license yet, but in Saudi Arabia, kids as young as 15 get behind the wheel. As long as my brother is accompanied by adults and he obeys the traffic rules, the police won’t catch him 😀
• My Saudi residence permit is still in the process and I have lost my patience! I am supposed to go back this Thursday but it seems like I have to extend my stay here. I can’t do anything. I am trapped! I was thinking of ending my permit all together, but my dad said it’s too late already. All I can do now is to wait 🙁
• I have terminated my house contract in Eindhoven and I’m moving out by the end of October! Not too excited about it but I’m so grateful that I found a cheaper place to stay! 🙂 The new house is located near AH XL (the big supermarket) although yes, it’s 15 minutes by bike to my campus. I am okay with it. The only thing I’m worried about is cycling during winter! It’s going to be a big challenge! Oh, well… nothing I can do about it!
• My friends told me that Eindhoven is getting colder and colder. It reached as low as 6 degrees Celsius at night! Brrr… I gotta be ready! Oh I can’t wait to go back! I miss my bike. I miss everything there! :-S

I have constantly asked people — those who had lived in many countries for most of their lives, how did you define the word home? What was home to you?

And today, I asked the same question to my followers on Twitter.

I, myself, have been struggling to define this word and to pick a place suitable to be called a home.

I lived in Jeddah for 10+ year. This was the place I knew since I was a little kid. I no longer live there but I pay a visit every single year and my parents still live in this city. However, I feel like a total stranger and second citizen whenever I’m in Jeddah. I regarded Jeddah as my home before, but the unwelcoming attitude that I always felt over there made me want to totally retract my thought. Jeddah was definitely not my home. If it was, I would not feel insecure about myself. I would feel connected. But in reality, I am not! 🙁

Jakarta is the city where my identity comes from. I only lived there for 3 years, but every now and then I try to go back to visit my extended family. Someday, I’ll eventually go back for good. To me, Jakarta is not a home. I do feel connected as my root lies there, but I can’t say I love living in Jakarta. It’s not a place to enjoy life. I find myself constantly complaining when I’m there!

Eindhoven — I’ve only lived there for 2 years. I love it. The people are nice. The experience I had was very exciting. I feel so belong. But somehow, there’s something missing about it. Something that makes me refuse to call it a home. I am not sure what.

So, where’s my home exactly?

A friend told me that she defined home as a place where her parents currently lived.

Mbak Nel thought that a home was a place where our heart was located 🙂 . But I asked myself, where did I leave my heart, again?

Then Mulia said that she didn’t have a place to call home, either! And she didn’t want to push herself to define it! Someday, in some random place, the feeling of being at home will eventually arrive. You don’t have to search for it. It’s not something that we can define. It’s something that we feel.

Ah, can’t agree more! 🙂 I may not have a home now, but I’m sure the time will come when I can finally call one place a home! 🙂

My friends asked me one day, why I was only interested in foreign news — Dutch, Saudi, Middle East, etc. Anything but Indonesian news.

You want to know why?

Well. I found Indonesian news to be too much. And it only centers on one similar topic! Corruption. The coward president. Violence. It keeps on going on and on like that. It usually starts small. Slowly. Then it gets really heavy, over the top… Just too much. My head just can’t handle it. I need something different, for God sake!

I admit that at one time, I kept myself out of Indonesian news for one year. I just refused to know anything about it. Except the good ones, of course. Those things that informed about the improvement that we made. Or about our prospect. Or about our achievements. I felt much better to read those things.

And seriously, if I keep on reading the "bad" Indonesian news, my urge to go back for good will eventually disappear! I won’t let that happens.

I used to think, wow! I was the luckiest girl in the whole wide world!

I had a great childhood. I was the happiest girl around. Freedom was my zone. The world was my playground. I was surrounded with the most beloved ones.

Then, one day, BAAAAM! The wall shattered.

That only wall which had been protecting me since the very day I knew the world existed. The high wall that I relied on. It became nothing but pieces of broken stones.

Day by day, I tried to collect them. Crawling, I struggled to find them. The precious ones that were no longer valuable.

What was the purpose? I asked. The damage was too great. One day, those stones would crush into gravels. Then into sands. Someday. In the future. Without a warning.

Everything would be okay, I was whispered. As Rumi said, "anything you lose comes round in another form". Would it come in another form? I refused to know. But it kept me wondering…

Had I been too naive? Was I too far from reality? Why wouldn’t anyone knock the door first? Why wasn’t I woken up?

Suddenly I was here, in the middle of the road. Why did destiny bring me here?

The road was too rough. It was too narrow. The car had stopped. I was left in a darkness where moon refused to shine. The fear was uncontrollable.

Time was ticking. I had to keep going. Perhaps, this was the time that I had to face those bumpy roads. This was the time I would take over the wheel.

I might had lost the wall. I might had been stranded on the road. Destiny might had been unfair to me. But was that it? Was it what life all about?

No. Of course not.

Life was not only about avoiding the bumpy roads. It was not only about passing through those roads and fighting the fear. It was not only about reaching the destination. It was about focusing on the good ones and keeping the bad ones out. It was about accepting the destiny.

Destiny was non-negotiable. It could not be changed. It was there to give me a lesson. It was there to give life a whole new meaning. Would I eventually accept the destiny that had been determined for me? Only time would tell.

Read this article, titled “At The Beach With Nancy Ajram” and found some surprising facts:

• Lebanon has one of the highest rates per capita of plastic surgery in the world
• 1.5 million plastic surgeries are performed in Lebanon each year. An estimated 20% of them on men.
• Lebanon is a country where banks will give women monetary loans for plastic surgery but where up until last year women could not open bank accounts for their children
• There are more Lebanese women living in Lebanon than there are men

And I can see more fake faces on TV nowadays. I actually wrote a little bit about it in my other blog, focusing more on the Arab female singers. Al-Arabiya published a slideshow of the before and after looks of these Arab stars. Some of them looked sooooo different!

Pictures taken from Al-Arabiya.