Project 365

It’s definitely not about my residence permit. But it’s a very very good news coming from Brisbane, Australia!

A close friend of mine sent me a message today that she’s planning to get married next year. And she insists me to attend the wedding ceremony and be her maid of honor! I was so happy and thrilled upon reading her message!!! I was crying of excitement! I felt so touched too, to be one of the first people to know about her plan — and not to mention that she chooses me as her maid of honor! Wew, I feel so honored! This would be my first time to be a bridesmaid!!

Ah, next year is still a long way to go. But I don’t know how I’m going to do this, seriously — knowing that I already have so many traveling plans laid out. Going to Australia is not cheap. The travel costs are too much and I haven’t got any money for that yet. Maybe I should book AirAsia flight from KL to Gold Coast by this year. And maybe I should cancel my other plans and put them for the year after. Or maybe I’ll do all of them. It really depends on my financial situation next year.

Whatever happens, I can’t refuse to attend the wedding, as I have promised her for many times that I’d come back to Australia if she’s going to get married. She also kept her promise that she’d tell me about it a year ahead before her wedding, so that I would have enough time to prepare. She’s even willing to change the wedding date if the time doesn’t suit me! So there’s no reason for me to not attend the wedding! Hehehe.

If I eventually go back to Australia, it’s going to be a sweet reunion! I haven’t seen her ever since I bade farewell 2 years ago, although yes, we do have Skype session once in a while. I miss the 3 years we spent together as a roommate. And I’ll meet other friends back in the college too!!! I can’t wait! I’m sure Brisbane has changed a lot. I want to reminisce the good old days. Ah, those sweet days that are unforgettable. Insya Allah I’ll find a way to be there.

Who wants to join me? 🙂 (maybe this would be the best time for me to go to Cairns too! To see the Great Barrier Reef!!!! If only money can be grown like plants…)

Got this picture from a friend of mine. Phew, such a long time ago. Can you guess where I was? 😀

Ya Allah, let me leave this country, please? I can’t stay another week here. I have so many things to do. I miss my carefree life back in Eindhoven. I miss my friends. And most importantly, I AM BORED HERE!

Departure date was changed to Sunday. I really hope that the permit will be out by then! Amen.

Life is somehow full of irony. Full of surprises. Let us go back in time 14 years ago. It is now 1996, Junior High School.

I sit in the back seat of the class, not too excited to hear the lesson given by my teacher. I can barely hear what she is trying to say, anyway! The class is too crowded. Everyone is busy with their own thing. Chatting. Drawing. Making jokes. The teacher does not seem to care. She is giving a lesson to the three pupils in front of her. And she probably thinks that we does not exist.

The class is getting more like a fish market rather than a place to get someone educated. The boys are getting so bored that they keep on teasing us and making us annoyed. I have been in the same class with them for years and I know how naughty they are! They love to mess around with us and the teachers! Being punished in front of the class becomes their daily food. And they do not have a slight regret about it!

… and let us go forward to the future. It is now 2010. Andalus Mall, Jeddah.

Here they are! We are all reunited once again. I have not seen them since God knows when. We talk about relationship, love, life, work, and many random issues. Damn, it has been so long. They all have changed! They have surely grown up. I can no longer see a naughty boy who likes to get into troubles, but I can only see a man. A good man with a good heart and responsibilities await :).

I am curious of what kind of future we are all going to end up in. What will we become in 10 years?

* Such a great day with some friends! Thanks all 🙂

I have constantly asked people — those who had lived in many countries for most of their lives, how did you define the word home? What was home to you?

And today, I asked the same question to my followers on Twitter.

I, myself, have been struggling to define this word and to pick a place suitable to be called a home.

I lived in Jeddah for 10+ year. This was the place I knew since I was a little kid. I no longer live there but I pay a visit every single year and my parents still live in this city. However, I feel like a total stranger and second citizen whenever I’m in Jeddah. I regarded Jeddah as my home before, but the unwelcoming attitude that I always felt over there made me want to totally retract my thought. Jeddah was definitely not my home. If it was, I would not feel insecure about myself. I would feel connected. But in reality, I am not! 🙁

Jakarta is the city where my identity comes from. I only lived there for 3 years, but every now and then I try to go back to visit my extended family. Someday, I’ll eventually go back for good. To me, Jakarta is not a home. I do feel connected as my root lies there, but I can’t say I love living in Jakarta. It’s not a place to enjoy life. I find myself constantly complaining when I’m there!

Eindhoven — I’ve only lived there for 2 years. I love it. The people are nice. The experience I had was very exciting. I feel so belong. But somehow, there’s something missing about it. Something that makes me refuse to call it a home. I am not sure what.

So, where’s my home exactly?

A friend told me that she defined home as a place where her parents currently lived.

Mbak Nel thought that a home was a place where our heart was located 🙂 . But I asked myself, where did I leave my heart, again?

Then Mulia said that she didn’t have a place to call home, either! And she didn’t want to push herself to define it! Someday, in some random place, the feeling of being at home will eventually arrive. You don’t have to search for it. It’s not something that we can define. It’s something that we feel.

Ah, can’t agree more! 🙂 I may not have a home now, but I’m sure the time will come when I can finally call one place a home! 🙂

My friends asked me one day, why I was only interested in foreign news — Dutch, Saudi, Middle East, etc. Anything but Indonesian news.

You want to know why?

Well. I found Indonesian news to be too much. And it only centers on one similar topic! Corruption. The coward president. Violence. It keeps on going on and on like that. It usually starts small. Slowly. Then it gets really heavy, over the top… Just too much. My head just can’t handle it. I need something different, for God sake!

I admit that at one time, I kept myself out of Indonesian news for one year. I just refused to know anything about it. Except the good ones, of course. Those things that informed about the improvement that we made. Or about our prospect. Or about our achievements. I felt much better to read those things.

And seriously, if I keep on reading the "bad" Indonesian news, my urge to go back for good will eventually disappear! I won’t let that happens.

I used to think, wow! I was the luckiest girl in the whole wide world!

I had a great childhood. I was the happiest girl around. Freedom was my zone. The world was my playground. I was surrounded with the most beloved ones.

Then, one day, BAAAAM! The wall shattered.

That only wall which had been protecting me since the very day I knew the world existed. The high wall that I relied on. It became nothing but pieces of broken stones.

Day by day, I tried to collect them. Crawling, I struggled to find them. The precious ones that were no longer valuable.

What was the purpose? I asked. The damage was too great. One day, those stones would crush into gravels. Then into sands. Someday. In the future. Without a warning.

Everything would be okay, I was whispered. As Rumi said, "anything you lose comes round in another form". Would it come in another form? I refused to know. But it kept me wondering…

Had I been too naive? Was I too far from reality? Why wouldn’t anyone knock the door first? Why wasn’t I woken up?

Suddenly I was here, in the middle of the road. Why did destiny bring me here?

The road was too rough. It was too narrow. The car had stopped. I was left in a darkness where moon refused to shine. The fear was uncontrollable.

Time was ticking. I had to keep going. Perhaps, this was the time that I had to face those bumpy roads. This was the time I would take over the wheel.

I might had lost the wall. I might had been stranded on the road. Destiny might had been unfair to me. But was that it? Was it what life all about?

No. Of course not.

Life was not only about avoiding the bumpy roads. It was not only about passing through those roads and fighting the fear. It was not only about reaching the destination. It was about focusing on the good ones and keeping the bad ones out. It was about accepting the destiny.

Destiny was non-negotiable. It could not be changed. It was there to give me a lesson. It was there to give life a whole new meaning. Would I eventually accept the destiny that had been determined for me? Only time would tell.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.

— Siddhārtha Gautama

Let us say, alhamdulillah.

Even though I lost the one person I used to look up to, I still have You. I still have my family. I still have friends. They are the ones I turn to when I seek for help. They are the ones who can stop the stream when I bleed.

And I’m thankful for it. Alhamdulillah.

The desire to write grows with writing.

— Desiderius Erasmus*

I haven’t been so good at keeping my promise on writing a blog at amellie.net on a regular basis. I used to write a lot of things related to current affairs, women’s rights, and many more. But I realized I had stopped doing that long time ago. Master’s studies have taken away my time and have successfully dropped my writing mood. I used to write a lot in the weekends, but I never did that anymore. I preferred to do other things.

But few days ago I encountered a report published by Human Rights Watch titled "As If I Am Not Human": Abuses against Asian Domestic Workers in Saudi Arabia. I read this report with anger and it really disturbed me. This report fueled me to write a blog posting about domestic workers in Saudi Arabia.

Read the full post here 🙂

* Quote taken from Rahmah

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that counts. It’s the life in your years.

— Abraham Lincoln

What does it mean to be a 25 years old? I kept asking that question to myself but I can’t seem to find a clear answer. For me, 18 was the time when I acquired freedom. 23 was the time when I transformed from being a teenage girl to a woman. But 25? What does it exactly tell me?

I still have no idea. What I know is that I’m getting older. Years ago I thought I would be married by the time I reached 25, but look at me now… still flying freely like there is no tomorrow.

I’ve been through a lot these past few years. I’ve been fulfilled. I’ve been contented. I’ve been betrayed and lied to. I’ve hurt some people. I’ve lost some friends. I’ve gained some more. I’ve traveled the world.

But there is one unfinished business that I’ve been trying to ignore for so many times: to graduate. To finish my Master’s thesis. Motivation hasn’t been a friend, but I’ve been trying to get it back. I HAVE TO GRADUATE BY NEXT SEMESTER! Let’s do this!!! Ganbatte!