Project 365

Finally! I got Jane Austen’s complete novels in one thick book! I’m so happy!!! 🙂

* Mbak Dessy gave me this book. I was supposed to pay this book but she refused!!! Thank you so much mbak! :-*

I’ve been thinking about myself lately. I feel like I’ve changed. I used to be not so picky about many things, including making friends. But now I’m much more careful. I used to love being alone. I used to dream about living alone. But now I loathe being by myself. I want to be around with people I care about. I want to be with my friends all the time. I used to be so carefree, but now I’m worried about many things. I used to dream about having a successful career and earning a lot of money. But now I want to be a successful mother and wife.

In a way, I don’t mind with these changes. As long as these changes are positives and do not harm others. I’m happy with it. It’s just amazing to see my own transformation in a matter of short time. This is just my reflection to end the day 🙂

Nothing much happened today, except that I was still too tired. I didn’t sleep so well and I spent my time at uni for the whole day.

Yet, I encountered someone today. Didn’t expect that I would meet him and see his smile which always melted my heart! 😀 It made my day!

I work at the Boeken Festijn (Book Festival) again this week. This is my third time working in this festival (I worked in Rotterdam and Eindhoven previously). I’ll be working for only three days though; trying to get money for my Easter trip. Den Bosch is only 20 minutes away by train from Eindhoven, so it’s not far at all.

Anyway, I really enjoy working at this festival. Besides having the opportunity to see the books and buy them with the discounted price, I get the chance to meet new people, including Indonesians living in different parts of the Netherlands. They are mostly students and ex-students who are searching for permanent jobs and trying to survive in this country buy being part-timers. I do admit that sometimes I’m quite hesitant to meet Indonesian students; mainly because I don’t feel that I think the same way as them. We have different lifestyles. We have different ways of thinking. We have different stuff to talk about.

But these Indonesian people that I usually meet at the Book Festival are of different category. Perhaps they’re more mature. Or they don’t mind to work and try not to spend their parent’s money. Or they’re humble. Either way, I feel like I belong into the right group.

Although the work is quite tiring, but every time I have a break, I always have wonderful time. Laughing. Cheering. Even to the point… screaming! Hahaha. It is such a joy to be entertained and to be “freshed” again when I go back to work after a 15-mins break.

I’m off to work again tomorrow. I have to wake up early and gain extra energy. Good night, people!

Seems like this week is a hectic week for me! I didn’t realize it until today. I don’t know how I’m going to manage it, but I have two assignments that are due on Friday this week and on Monday next week. I also have to do the project that I unfortunately failed. Then I have to work for three days on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday for the whole day. Not to forget that I have a weekly Qur’an session on Friday night and a dinner party that I’m going to host on Saturday night. This is going to be interesting!!!

Nevertheless, I feel so thankful for I don’t end up at home — alone — complaining how lonely I am with no one around. I have so many things to do and I will keep myself busy for the whole week. The good thing is that, a friend of mine, Maureen, is going to stay with me for a week. So at least I have some company 🙂 .

What makes me feel even more grateful is that, I got a text message from him today. Knowing that there’s someone out there who’s been thinking about you is enough to make me feel so precious. I’ve been blaming this heart for not being able to open its door widely. And I am still struggling with it. My feeling can’t lie. And I can’t do anything about it. But anyway I give up on trying. I’ll keep on living my life and see where this heart will bring me. And I’m sure there’ll be time when my heart is going to open the door without the need of someone knocking it. Amin.

I went home today after dinner. It was at 11.35 am. I saw not a single person on the street and only 2 cars passed by. It was really empty! And as usual – I was scared! I was scared of passing the small street to the backyard of my house. The street was even emptier and much darker than the main road. There was only one light at one of my neighbor’s backyard and the rest of the street was really dark. What if there were somebody stopping me and attacking me?!?

Just when I was about to reach my backyard, I looked up and stared the sky. There were so many stars lighting up the sky. They were beautiful! I never realized that you could actually see stars in Eindhoven!

Suddenly, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I smiled. Thank you, Allah, for accompanying me and making me feel so much better.

I’m a big fan of TED and I try to watch at least one video per week from the site. It has such informative talks! Anyhoo…

This is a short 3 minutes talk by Richard St. John about 8 secrets of success; after conducting 500 interviews for 7 years! His talk is very useful, entertaining, and funny at the same time. One of the secrets of success is persistance. He said that we need to be persist to failure and CRAP — which is: Criticism, Rejection, Assholes, and Pressure. ROFL!!

After watching this short talk, I found his other TED talk on YouTube and felt reminded once again. It’s indeed true that “success is a continuous journey.” It’s not a one way street. You gotta keep doing the 8 elements of success in order to avoid failure. This is really happening to me right now. I don’t think I’m already successful. But going to and studying in Europe has been my dream since I was in High School. I’ve catched that dream and I feel like I’m on top of my world. But sadly to say that I sit back and relax during the time when I shouldn’t be doing any of that. I have stopped working hard. I have lost my passion. My ideas have been blocked. And I’m on the edge of failure.

I don’t think I feel 100% motivated by this video, but being reminded and “slapped in the face” is all I really need right now. And thank you, my stranger friend, who surely gave me the push to take a one step forward (and even kind enough to be the barking dog 😛 ). I hope I can continue my journey, which has been ceased for as long as I can remember, from this day on.

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along. — Rumi

The Rumi book that I ordered 3 weeks ago has finally arrived! I’m so happy.

In total, I have 9 other books waiting to be read. I’ve already started reading few pages of Rumi, quarter pages of Bill Clinton’s Giving, some pages of Karen Amstrong’s Muhammad, and John Roosa’s Dalih Pembunuhan Massal. I’ve been trying to keep myself contented and busy — and reading these books have been quite enjoyable.

Even so, I thought of buying the famous Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, after watching its BBC TV series on YouTube, featuring one of my favorite actors, Colin Firth who really fit into the character of Mr. Darcy I must say! Few years ago, I watched Pride & Prejudice’s movie adaptation, and I remember how I really loved it!! That’s why I came to think of buying the book. I know that I hate classic English literature, but that’s because its constructions of words are hard to understand. But I really want to learn. I want to get used to it. I want to be able to feel and understand the beauty of those words.

But anyhow, I was happy to find the full version of Pride & Prejudice on Google Books! So I decided to read it online in the meantime — perhaps I’ll buy it once I read all of those 9 books.

Antwone Fisher: “Why do I have to forgive?”
Jerome Davenport: “To free yourself, so you can get on with your life.”

– Antwone Fisher movie

When someone makes a mistake that leaves scars in your heart, it is hard to see him beyond his mistakes. It is easy for you to forget what this person did to you before this happens. It’s easy to deny the fact that he is a normal human being that is capable of making faults. It’s easy to forget that he was the one who were there for you when you needed someone at 1 am. No matter how cold it was at night, he came for you and listened to your problems. He made sure that you were okay.

I wonder… how could I be so blind? How could I not realize it til now?

So… I’ve decided. I’m going to leave these pages empty and close this book. I’m going to get another one. I’m going to start everything from the beginning again. I’m going to forgive him. So that I can get on with my life.

Now I know why Eindhoven seems like home to me. Or why I really like living here. Or why it doesn’t seem to matter if I have to stay here for a long time.

Well, it’s all because of the Indonesian Muslim community that exists here. One family that I’m especially close with is the family of mas Umar. I consider them as my second family. And I’m blessed to be surrounded or be around them, because I see them as an ideal Muslim family which I’ve been dreaming to have once I get married 🙂

Today, I had a long chitchat with them about our small community. And I realized that the Indonesian Muslim community that existed here was very different compared to other Indonesian communities that I encountered in other countries. What made it to special? First of all, it’s a small community (around 10-20 active members) which made us close to each other. Second of all, it’s free of gossips which many Indonesians tend to do (including me, sometimes!). Third of all, these people were very down to earth!

Now, I want to stress the third point here.

Most Indonesians are very materialistic. They live in a world where status is the most important thing in this life. They complain about how little money they have, yet when it comes to new expensive gadgets, they are the first ones to get them. When I was in High School, I was surprised to see my friends kept changing their mobile phones to the newest available ones whilst it took me years to change mine. At that time I was jealous. I wished I could be like them. I wished I could just tell my parents that I wanted to buy one. I wished my parents would grant my wish. But when I came to Australia and saw how unmaterialistic the Aussies were, I was grateful that my parents didn’t grant my wish at that time!

Of course, people want to look good. I want to look good. I buy clothes. I am obsessed with accessories, especially necklaces and hijabs. I love shoes. And bags. But I’d never buy them when other more important needs can’t be fulfilled. It’s not a big deal to wait until I get back home to buy new clothes even though, yes, the ones that I have are already “bulukan” due to too much washing. It’s not a problem for me too to buy second hand clothes as they are much more cheaper! And the same thing goes for my gadgets. It’s perfectly okay to wait until 5 years or more (i.e. til they’re broken and unfixable!) to get the new ones. Calling and texting is all I need, anyway.

That’s just me. And I prefer everyone to just shut their mouth and mind their own business. What’s the problem if I don’t have 2 or 3 mobile phones? What’s the problem if I don’t have a blackberry? What’s the problem if I go around with public transports all the time? What seems to be the freakin problem?? People can’t seem to shut up. They think that… just because I live abroad they expect me to have more?? When I have more, all I think is that they’ll be jealous. What’s the point, really? And I’m also sick of those people who keep talking about being “keren”, trendy, and all that… Oh, come on. There are more things that we need to take care of and think about than just looking good!

I don’t want to be hipocrit. I can’t deny the fact that my own family -sadly- falls into the materialistic category. And I won’t deny that I too was materialistic. But after 6 years of living in the Western society, I have gradually changed. And I’ve been trying so hard to change my family too, though it hasn’t been so successful.

Okay, turns out that there a lot of bla bla blas in this post. But going back to the point I want to make previously is that, the Indonesian community here is very down to earth. Very simple, just like the Dutch people. They value their life and faith more than what they have. They don’t talk about those unimportant stuff and things. No matter how rich they are, they still live a simple life.

And that’s what I like about such a simple community. It makes me feel so homey and cozy. And it makes me even love this place more than my own home.

Something to be grateful about 🙂