Project 365

Welcome! This is my own 365 project of creating at least one post per day about the stuff that I learnt, achieved, and found, the stuff that made me happy, or the new thing I did every single day.

The project was started on 21 February 2010. It has stopped for few times but I am determined to continue!

This project is dedicated to myself. I want to feel grateful for every single thing I have. I want to be thankful for my own life. I just want to feel that I have enough.

Tag: complain

Frustration: Queuing

One day, I was in a clothing shop, queuing, when a woman went straight in front of the cashier. I told her politely, that I was there first. Instead of saying sorry, explaining why she did it, or moved back, she gave me a nasty look and immediately put her stuff on the cashier desk like I didn’t even exist.

I was obviously very angry. What an arrogant selfish woman! She then looked at me from top to bottom, as if she’s saying, "Who are YOU to tell me where to queue?" What the hell! I wanted to say things to her. I wanted to give her a lesson. I HATE to be looked down by her society. But I just couldn’t think of any words to say in her language! I was stuck there, didn’t know what to say. Ah, I need to be ready next time!!

I know, this is the same old frustration that I have about the people in this part of the world. They failed to change ever since I stepped my feet into this land. Indonesian people cannot queue too, especially in the busway terminal. But at least they queue in the shops, restaurants, food courts, or whatever! They’d back off if you told them that you were there first. They’d stop smoking if you told them that you couldn’t stand the smoke. They’d apologize if they did something wrong. They have manners.

But these people are different! It’s so frustrating!

Last Minute Dilemma

I have absolutely NO IDEA what to do!!! If I could do istikharah right about NOW, I’d do it. But I can’t! 🙁 Ya Allah… if I missed it, I’d regret it all my life. But if I just go… I haven’t even finished this thesis! How can I go?! My family would definitely disagree with me. But I don’t want to disappoint my dear friend! Oh ya Allah… I really need Your guidance now. I only have few weeks left. What can I do???

* I know that Allah SWT has a good reason why He made women to have a menstrual period. But during this time, the only thing I want to do is sholat…! I can’t do it… :-S and I don’t know what to do besides making a du’a…

The Question

I still don’t get it WHY oh WHY I need to put my race info (I don’t even know what my race is) and the details of my family members (my parents’ name, job, etc) for a job application?!?! Yup, a job application.

How does that relate to the job, seriously? Would they pick somebody based on the race? Obviously not, but who knows (why in the world they asked anyway!!!!). Would they pick me if let say… one my family members are so so so rich or so so so poor? Obviously, that doesn’t make sense. BUT WHY!!!!!


My Major Vulnerability

… is the feeling of not good enough. Not good enough for friends and family, not good enough for the jobs that I want, not good enough for everything. I’m just not good enough!

I don’t know how to fix this damaging mindset!!! Argh.

Currently reading Brene Brown‘s book and hopefully I can trace the problems…

Going to explode

OH MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some people just can’t LEAVE ME ALONE!

When I said NO, it’s a NO. It’s not going to change after YEARS or even centuries. It will never be! And this person, this specific scary person, shows up again. For God’s sake, GET A LIFE!!!!!

This world is full of scary and wicked people! *____*

*Sorry, I just feel like throwing everything out. I hope all the crazy people read this. Grrrrrrr.

My Prayer

Ya Allah, let me leave this country, please? I can’t stay another week here. I have so many things to do. I miss my carefree life back in Eindhoven. I miss my friends. And most importantly, I AM BORED HERE!

Departure date was changed to Sunday. I really hope that the permit will be out by then! Amen.

My Second Family

Now I know why Eindhoven seems like home to me. Or why I really like living here. Or why it doesn’t seem to matter if I have to stay here for a long time.

Well, it’s all because of the Indonesian Muslim community that exists here. One family that I’m especially close with is the family of mas Umar. I consider them as my second family. And I’m blessed to be surrounded or be around them, because I see them as an ideal Muslim family which I’ve been dreaming to have once I get married 🙂

Today, I had a long chitchat with them about our small community. And I realized that the Indonesian Muslim community that existed here was very different compared to other Indonesian communities that I encountered in other countries. What made it to special? First of all, it’s a small community (around 10-20 active members) which made us close to each other. Second of all, it’s free of gossips which many Indonesians tend to do (including me, sometimes!). Third of all, these people were very down to earth!

Now, I want to stress the third point here.

Most Indonesians are very materialistic. They live in a world where status is the most important thing in this life. They complain about how little money they have, yet when it comes to new expensive gadgets, they are the first ones to get them. When I was in High School, I was surprised to see my friends kept changing their mobile phones to the newest available ones whilst it took me years to change mine. At that time I was jealous. I wished I could be like them. I wished I could just tell my parents that I wanted to buy one. I wished my parents would grant my wish. But when I came to Australia and saw how unmaterialistic the Aussies were, I was grateful that my parents didn’t grant my wish at that time!

Of course, people want to look good. I want to look good. I buy clothes. I am obsessed with accessories, especially necklaces and hijabs. I love shoes. And bags. But I’d never buy them when other more important needs can’t be fulfilled. It’s not a big deal to wait until I get back home to buy new clothes even though, yes, the ones that I have are already “bulukan” due to too much washing. It’s not a problem for me too to buy second hand clothes as they are much more cheaper! And the same thing goes for my gadgets. It’s perfectly okay to wait until 5 years or more (i.e. til they’re broken and unfixable!) to get the new ones. Calling and texting is all I need, anyway.

That’s just me. And I prefer everyone to just shut their mouth and mind their own business. What’s the problem if I don’t have 2 or 3 mobile phones? What’s the problem if I don’t have a blackberry? What’s the problem if I go around with public transports all the time? What seems to be the freakin problem?? People can’t seem to shut up. They think that… just because I live abroad they expect me to have more?? When I have more, all I think is that they’ll be jealous. What’s the point, really? And I’m also sick of those people who keep talking about being “keren”, trendy, and all that… Oh, come on. There are more things that we need to take care of and think about than just looking good!

I don’t want to be hipocrit. I can’t deny the fact that my own family -sadly- falls into the materialistic category. And I won’t deny that I too was materialistic. But after 6 years of living in the Western society, I have gradually changed. And I’ve been trying so hard to change my family too, though it hasn’t been so successful.

Okay, turns out that there a lot of bla bla blas in this post. But going back to the point I want to make previously is that, the Indonesian community here is very down to earth. Very simple, just like the Dutch people. They value their life and faith more than what they have. They don’t talk about those unimportant stuff and things. No matter how rich they are, they still live a simple life.

And that’s what I like about such a simple community. It makes me feel so homey and cozy. And it makes me even love this place more than my own home.

Something to be grateful about 🙂