Project 365

With every breath
I plant the seeds of devotion –
I am a farmer of the heart.

— Jalal ad-Din Rumi

♥♥♥

I had a great day at Pasar Malam Asia last Sunday. We played a total of 9 Indonesian songs with angklung. The last song played was called "Poco-Poco" and for the fun of it, I took part in dancing poco-poco with other mostly middle-aged dancers and audience. Yes, you can see me with the red kebaya and red headscarf struggling to do the right steps there in the video LOL. It was fun though! 🙂

Poco-poco dance is a line dance which is very popular in Indonesia and other SE Asian countries. The dance is usually accompanied by the song of the same name, which was written by an Ambonese, Arie Sapulette, and was popularized by an Indonesian singer, Yopie Latul. There are much speculations of where the dance came from. Some say it was originated from Moluccas and some say it was from Northern Sulawesi.

The dance became even more popular when it was recently declared as haram (forbidden) by the mufti in Perak, Malaysia. What can I say? If you want to declare poco-poco dance as haram, then you should declare all sorts of dances as haram too. It’s so inconsistent. Anyway…

People here are crazy about poco-poco! I’ve seen them (read: Indo-Dutch people) dancing in every Pasar Malam (*) events in the country. They’d dance poco-poco no matter what sort of songs is currently played.

* Pasar Malam means night market (literally) and is directly associated with Asian or Indonesian event. The “night market” itself doesn’t necessarily open only at night. Most Pasar Malam(s) in the Netherlands have Asian food stalls and music performances. The event is organized in many cities in the Netherlands.

Source:

• Origins of Poco-poco: Jamaican, Christian or just Indonesian?
• Poco Poco dan Sejarahnya

Love the postcard and the souvenir!! 🙂

And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort (literally: coolness) to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”

— The Qur’an 25:74

This is a pray/du’a that is heard or said very frequently by many Muslims. I especially love the Arabic words for “the coolness to our eyes” in this verse, which is qurrota a’yun. There are a few number of people whose name is “qurrota aini”. I like that name so much because it has such a beautiful meaning: the comfort/joy of my eye. But my knowledge about this expression was limited to that. Little did I know/appreciate this powerful expression!

So, what does it exactly mean for our eyes to become cool?

The phrase “the coolness of the eyes” was actually originated from the pre-Islamic period. The Arabs used to use this expression among each other before the Qur’an was revealed, which was then used in the Qur’an. At that time, one of the worst curses that the Arabs could say against somebody else was by saying: may Allah make his eyes warm. In other words: may he suffer the worst kind of sorrow, sadness, and depression.

There are two meanings associated with “the eyes become cool”. The first meaning is: if your eyes become cool, then that means you shed the tears of joy — you’re so happy that you’re moved to tears. The second one is associated with finding refuge or safety.

So, going back to the context of the verse above, what does it actually imply if we ask God to make our spouse and children a mean for the coolness of our eyes? This implies that we ask Him to make our family a source of happiness and to make them our refuge to get away from the “storm” outside of our house. No matter how many problems we have, no matter how little money we get, our family is the safe havens where we find peace and joy. Our worries suddenly disappear when we see them. They are the coolness of our eyes.

This phrase is also used by the wife of Pharaoh, Asiya (RA). When she found Prophet Musa (AS), she said: “[He will be] a comfort of the eye for me and for you. Do not kill him; perhaps he may benefit us, or we may adopt him as a son.” (Qur’an 28:9). So basically, Prophet Musa (AS) was her escape from the evil Pharaoh. He brought coolness to her eyes. The fact that she said “a comfort of the eye for me and you” (instead of “us”) implies that she didn’t want to associate herself with her husband. She separated herself from him.

The same phrase is again used in the Qur’an in the same story, when Allah SWT reunited Prophet Musa (AS) with his mother for breast feeding. “So we restored him to his mother, that her eye might be comforted and not grieve…” (Qur’an 28:13). Her eyes became warm when she cast him into the river, but they become cool again upon the reunion.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW was often heard saying: “The comfort of my eyes is placed inside shalaat (prayer)”. When he conversed with Allah SWT, his eyes became cool, he shed tears of joy, and regained his strength.This shows his profound love for shalaat — compare that to a mother losing her child and finding it again (in which Allah SWT said her eyes became cool). Prophet Muhammad SAW used the same expression — the same coolness of the eyes he found when he made shalaat. Has our shalaat been the comfort of our eyes?

Isn’t it amazing how we can learn so much from the Qur’an by having a deeper look and trying to understand the real meaning of only one phrase? Subhanallah. It’s such a powerful and beautiful expression!

Source: Nouman Ali Khan’s Khutbah (30 minutes). Yes, he only explained the deepness of this phrase in this khutbah!

Honestly, I’m not so much into fashion. I don’t follow the latest trends and all that. I buy clothes from "last season" because those are the ones that are on discounts. I don’t mind buying second-hand clothes (like my lovely red coat) on a number of occasions. So the views that I’m writing here isn’t exactly "fair", but since this is my blog, I have the right to write whatever the hell I want, correct? hehehe.

Here’s the thing, I have quite a few problems with the recent trend of a so-called Muslim fashion. In the beginning, it was nice, I totally agree. It was nice to see the fresh change. It was nice that we got the recognition. It was nice to see fashion designers, boutiques,… (or whatever) that can cater the needs of Muslim women. We do need those things. We feel good when we dress nicely, I have to admit. But somehow, I find it to be a bit TOO much!

Suddenly, the Muslim women in the whole country — if not, the whole SE Asian countries — are obsessed with fashion! Too obsessed that as if they were told and forced to dress up in a certain way! They all look exactly the same to me (read: their style). If I can be sarcastic a little bit, I’d probably ask: which god are you following, exactly? Will I be viewed as a social outcast for not following your god?

I’m already viewed as a social outcast for not owning a Blackberry. I’ll be viewed as such if I don’t follow this fashion trend. That’s fine for me. I’m already viewed as "lower" by the Saudi society for not regularly putting a makeup. I think I can deal with another one. What’s wrong with being different?! Plus, I’m NOT going to change my whole wardrobe to this fashion trend. Even if I can afford it, I wouldn’t be doing it. What’s the point? I have to change my whole wardrobe again when the next fashion trend comes up.

I have to agree that fashion is the number one thing that leads to consumerism. That bothers me so much. Gadgets have successfully done a good job on that one. We spend to impress. Isn’t it sad?

All these things boil to one thing: whoever would dress the nicest gets the nod or compliments from their peers. It seems like they’re in a heavy competition to win the Best-Dressed Award. (I’ll tell you what, take the award. I don’t want it, nor do I need it). Well, don’t get me wrong, I like to dress up too! But not the whole time. Definitely not everyday. And definitely not to make myself "better" than anyone else. It really depends on my mood.

I don’t agree with the arguments that "by creating this stylish and modern Muslim look, we can influence more Muslim women to wear a hijab." SERIOUSLY?! Why do we need to "influence" them to wear hijab through fashion? We’re missing the true meaning of hijab here, people!!! We’re doing this to please Allah SWT, not to please other human being. It’s revealed in the Qur’an that we need to lower our gaze. It’s definitely not because that today’s trend is wearing a hijab. Definitely not.

The good thing about the "rising" Muslim fashion is that I can find rectangular scarves easily now!!!! Last year when I was in Jakarta, I had to pay 100,000 rupiahs for a scarf (in Saudi Arabia, you can get it for at most 60,000 rupiahs). I was quite shocked! Ok, yes, everyone wore square scarves and no one was interested in rectangular scarves! Who would buy them?! Hence, the expensive price. But now I reckon the rectangular scarves can be found everywhere (due to the latest trend) and they’re probably cheaper. Awesomeness!

P.S. Do criticize me if I’m not consistent with my views here. I need a slap.

There are different wells within your heart.
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far too deep for that.

In one well
You have just a few precious cups of water,
That "love" is literally something of yourself,
It can grow as slow as a diamond
If it is lost.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a
Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.

There are different wells within us.
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far, far too deep
For that.

— Hafez

This poem is just beautiful…

I still don’t get it WHY oh WHY I need to put my race info (I don’t even know what my race is) and the details of my family members (my parents’ name, job, etc) for a job application?!?! Yup, a job application.

How does that relate to the job, seriously? Would they pick somebody based on the race? Obviously not, but who knows (why in the world they asked anyway!!!!). Would they pick me if let say… one my family members are so so so rich or so so so poor? Obviously, that doesn’t make sense. BUT WHY!!!!!

Grrr.

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best… [and] is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a shield… that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.

Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance… Perfectionism is more about perception — we want to be perceived as perfect. This is unattainable — there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying.

Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough.

— Brené Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

I don’t think I’m a perfectionist although sometimes I do want some things to be perfect. Or maybe… I didn’t realize that I had been a perfectionist for so long?!

… is the feeling of not good enough. Not good enough for friends and family, not good enough for the jobs that I want, not good enough for everything. I’m just not good enough!

I don’t know how to fix this damaging mindset!!! Argh.

Currently reading Brene Brown‘s book and hopefully I can trace the problems…

I was so happy when I found this parenting blog. Many parenting-related websites that I found did not suit me, but this one was something different. Sadly to say, there aren’t that many posts you can find there, but I greatly enjoy reading all of them! Cynthia, the blog owner, really knows how to tell stories and write them! Anyway…

One thing I like about her approach on how to parent is how she handled things without starting confrontations with her daughter Maia. Many parents set the I-am-right-and-you-have-to-obey-me and I-am-right-and-you-shouldn’t-ask-why-or-argue-about-it kind of rules. That’s probably the fastest way to handle it and get things done real quick. But I would agree more on her approach, by letting the kids violate the rule and learn the lesson by themselves.

When Maia insisted on not taking a bath and not sleeping early, Cynthia would let her do it. Eventually, she found out after few days that although she’s not smelly, she scratched her head all the time and felt so itchy. That’s when she understood that she had to take a shower everyday and no questions being asked anymore. The same thing with sleeping early, Cynthia told Maia that she would be responsible for it if she missed school (i.e. she would need to go to the head of school herself and Cynthia would not write an excuse letter for her). As expected, Maia missed her school. The next time Cynthia told her to go to bed, she went to bed straight away. No plea. No discussion. Nothing.

This is not an easy approach, I agree. It requires a lot of patient (and patient has never been in my department — I guess a bugis blood is to be blamed haha). When you disagree with your children, you would argue why they had to do it and they would argue you back. So it’s an endless journey, one of them — either the parents or the kids — need to give up. Eventually, you need to let the kids know why they need to obey your rules, instead of saying "Obey me, stop asking why!" or screaming or name-calling or punishing them.

I believe there is a reason in everything. But not every reason is "reasonable" enough to the kids. That’s why they tend to break the rules. But when they understand the consequences of not doing them, they tend to try to obey the rules. I have to agree with Cynthia, parents need to handle everything creatively if they want to avoid the shouting, screaming, and forcing. They need to present as many reasons as they can — creatively — to ensure the kids understand and satisfy with it.

Cynthia does have 5 rules set that were unbreakable. But these rules were strictly applied not only to her daughter, but the rest of the members in the house. That means, she and her husband had to conform to these rules as well. Parents are their role models, so when exceptions are made to the kid alone, they tend to break the rules. Simple things like, limiting the kids to watching TV maximum 2 hours a day — that needs to be obeyed by the parents too! If they want the kids to do what they expect, parents need to change their lifestyle and behavior.

But can everything be done using this approach? I’m actually not sure. Definitely, as a parent, there are certain things that you want your kids to do. Take for example: praying. What kind of argument would you give to the kids if they refuse to pray? Tell them that God would be angry? Tell them about the consequences in the hereafter? It definitely won’t work, simply because they can’t see the danger of not doing it now. Well, for me, the best solution would be to instill this ritual early on. Praying together rather than individually and setting it as an unbreakable rule for the whole family would work, I think. And of course, providing a good base on religious knowledge to the kids is important!That’s what I have in mind. That’s what I’ve observed or experienced. Clearly, I still have a lot of things to learn! 🙂