Project 365

I found an interesting poll at MuslimMatters.org. This poll has been closed but I was struck at the poll result! 33% of the women who wear Islamic attire have never been sexually harassed in the West, while 32% of the votes said they have. Yes, I know… the poll show a strange result if you look at the percentages of other options, but this is a reminder that sexual harassment are plaguing women every single day… no matter where they live. Based on my experience of living and traveling in the West and Muslim world, I have to agree with the result of this poll. I have never been sexually harassed in any non-Muslim-majority countries that I went to. It is in the Muslim-majority country that I often experience such thing. In fact, it’s reported that 90% of Yemeni women said that they had been harassed (80% for Egyptians and 30% for Lebanese). Isn’t it sad?!

Saudi Arabia is a place where I constantly experience sexual harassment. It’s not a safe place for women to go around without men. And it’s NOT always a guarantee that you wouldn’t be harassed when you go with your brother or father. I have been stared from top to bottom, hissed, followed, thrown a business card, touched (thank God “only” my hand, but others may experience worst that me), and I have seen something that I should have not seen. I have also been followed with a car, which was scary! I have heard lots of inappropriate and sexual comments directed at me on the streets and the malls. It doesn’t happen only to me, I assure you. No matter how old you are and no matter how much you cover yourself, women in Saudi Arabia experience harassment almost every single day.

If you think that Mekkah and Madinah are the least place for women to experience sexual harassment, then you are gravely wrong! Inappropriate comments here and there can be heard even when you are in the Holy Mosque! I remember I was constantly stared by this creepy old man for an hour prior to the Eid Prayer at the Haram Mosque in Mekkah. I was very angry but I couldn’t do anything except to ignore him. I did react a couple of times when I was sexually harassed, but I didn’t want to cause disturbance this time at the mosque during one of the holiest months. Normally, women do not react when they experience such thing, allowing men to do it again as they please. BUT I’d suggest to do something about it! Scold him or  even threaten him to the religious police!! That would make him dead scared.

Anyway, the experience I wrote above didn’t only happen in Saudi Arabia. Indonesia is no exception, although it’s still “ok” if compared to Saudi Arabia. But still, sexual harassment knows no boundary. Even if it’s in the form of comments like “where are you going, pretty girl?”, it’s still considered a harassment.

I always wonder, why does it happen so frequently in the Muslim world? Is it because we’re too strict? (I’m talking about Saudi Arabia or Iran) Is it because men and women are forced to be segregated all the time? Is it because of the concept of mahram (guardian) that is being abused and misused?

Or are we perhaps too flexible and laid-back? (like in Indonesia or perhaps Malaysia) Men and women are not segregated. They can mingle as freely as they can without worrying about religious authorities. If that’s the case, why does sexual harassment  still exist there? I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as sexual harassment in the West, but I never experienced it (hopefully I won’t!). Maybe it’s different if I wore revealing and skimpy clothes and went to the club. Maybe! I don’t know. I never done that hahaha.

One day, a friend of mine asked me via twitter: “as a globetrotter, don’t you think the more liberal the country is, the less sexual harassment they experience? No hidden curiosity”.

That’s a tricky question! While I enjoy my life in the West free from disturbing comments or weird stares, I don’t support liberal views for obvious reasons (e.g. religion). We don’t need a totally free society but we also don’t need a strict one! But how can we be in the middle between the free and strict system? How can we teach the kids in a way that when they grow older, they wouldn’t look at women merely as an “object”? I don’t know the answer to those questions, to be honest.

My friend, who has been to Iran, Jordan, and Syria, also told me that out of all the three countries, she thinks Syria is the best. Iran is too strict, so it’s common for the youth to secretly hold mixed-sex parties with alcohol and drugs. Jordan, on the other hand, is too liberal and the women often complain about sexual harassment over there. Syria, according to her, is actually in the middle between Iran and Jordan. There are no restrictions imposed, nor visual judgment on women who don’t dress modestly. But most women dress and talk decently. Please note that her opinion is based on her observation after traveling to those countries and mingling with the locals (through CouchSurfing! What else, really?!).

She makes me want to go to Syria again!!! I want to go there and meet my uncle and aunt to discuss about this. Hopefully Syria is “recovering” soon from the unrest.

I want to conclude this post with this verse in the Qur’an:

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.

— The Qur’an (24:30)

This is what happened when I didn’t tidy up my room for more than a week. This is what happened when my desk is full of things and stuff. Papers, books, notes. All of them are in one messy desk. I think I need to spring clean my room before Ramadhan.

Speaking about Ramadhan… it’s going to be one lonely month for me. As always, I’m going to miss my mama’s foods!!!! *crying out loud* Hopefully this would be the last time I spend my Ramadhan in a non-Muslim country. I miss the Ramadhan atmosphere in Jeddah. Everyone’s mood is usually very happy and cheerful during this holy month. Everyone smiling. People giving foods on the streets for free. Colorful lights decorating the streets and shops. Taraweeh and tahajjud prayers echoing the neighborhood. The shops staying open until 4am. It just feels so different than here. Yes, I’m homesick. Terribly homesick.

When I’m homesick, one of the ways to cure that homesickness is by eating Middle Eastern foods or by listening to Arabic music! 😀

This song, Ally Gara, is one of my favorite songs and probably my only favorite classical Arab music. I don’t know who the original singer was, but this classical song was made popular (again) by Saber Robaei and Asalah Nasri. Saber and Asalah are two of the best Arab singers. Their voice is just amazing. Both of them have performed this song on separate occasions. If you watch this video, you’ll notice it’s a rather  spontaneous performance at a random party attended by many Arab celebrities. You can see how they made gesture to each other to tell whose turn to sing next. But despite the spontaneity, both Saber and Asalah did a great job!! I even think Saber can survive without Asalah there haha.

The song is quite long (more than 10 minutes) — the video that I embed here is the second part of the performance. It’s common for Arab singers to prolong a song by “playing” with their voice (like what Saber did at 2:34 and Asalah at 4:40). They do that quite often when performing a classical Arab music. I’m not sure why. Perhaps, it’s to show the greatness of their voice and how long they can sing without breathing.

You can download the mp3 of this performance from here. Saber and Asalah never recorded this song, so the one from this performance is used and was widely played in the radio across the Middle East when it was first broadcasted on TV. So you can hear the voice of Asala asking for a glass of water in the beginning of the song hahaha. It’s a spontaneous performance, I told ya!

I take great precautions when reading about Islam on the Internet. There is misleading information posted everywhere. There is also an information which is probably not misleading, but does not fit to what I believe in. So I need to make sure that the websites that I browse are reliable so as to prevent misguidance.

So let’s start off with the website that I frequently visit, which is MuslimMatters.org. This website is a great source for all sorts of Islamic related topics. Yasir Qadhi is one of the scholars who contributed to the website. Obviously there are quite a number of articles that I have read there and I can’t be bother to find them again. But the ones that I recently read and I especially like are listed below:

• Parenting Series — well, I looove reading about parenting, so don’t blame me! I especially like this one because it talks about “Islamic parenting” 🙂
• Like Father Like Daughter — discussing about father-daughter relationships, some mistakes that fathers make, and some tips what they should do instead. I have to say, a lot of fathers in the Arab world do not know how to deal with their daughters when they get older. So this is a good article for them!
• Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips) — the title speaks for itself. Pornography is one of the major problems in the Muslim society. The article is SO long but it has a lot of information in it: from husband’s point of view, wife’s point of view, and scholar opinions regarding this issue. Good stuff!
• Yasir Qadhi: The Definition of ‘Travel’ (safar) According to Islamic Law — a very interesting post discussing about different opinions of scholars regarding the distance that constitutes ‘travel’. The second part of  the post talks about distance in modern measurements. I haven’t read the second part though. Will do it soon.
• The Best of Stories: Pearls from Surah Yusuf — I have only read some parts of this post because it’s so long (but it’s awesome!). It’s still on my to-do list and I think I’ll watch the video instead. Recommended!

Another website that I like to visit is SuhaibWebb.com. These are the recent posts that I read which I find to be interesting:

• The Top Six Mistakes in Usul — six common mistakes people make related to the science of Usul al-Fiqh, and why understanding them correctly is important.
• Taking Off the Hijab — ever thought of not wearing your hijab anymore? You need to read this post first 🙂 (and the comments as well!)
• Signs of Arrogance (and other posts in the series) — the rule of thumb is don’t praise others too much!
• Seeing Your Home in Jennah: On Seeking Divine Help — a much needed reminder when I feel like ‘dying’ 😀

Besides those two websites, my favorite way to increase my Islamic knowledge is to browse and watch videos on YouTube! You probably know that I’m a big fan of Nouman Ali Khan, but there are many other people that are as good as him. Below are the list of channels that you should subscribe if you want to learn more about Islam:

• Khalifahklothing — most up-to-date channels containing all sorts of talks and speeches about many topics in Islam
• NoumanAliKhan100 — most of the talks delivered by Nouman Ali Khan can be found here
• QuranWeekly — containing short videos discussing about some verses or short chapters of the Qur’an. A great way to learn the words of Allah more deeply beyond their translation.
• ICNATV — ICNA is a Muslim organization in the States. It organizes the annual ICNA convention — and thankfully, through this channel, you can watch some scholars and prominent Muslim preachers talking about different Islamic topics.
• Ummahfilms — Baba Ali reminds you just in case you forgot :). Very funny videos!

Hope these links are useful to improve your knowledge in Islam, especially during the month of Ramadhan :).

Look at her face… SOOOOO CUTEEEEEE!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!! Her eyes are like Puss in Boots‘ eyes… you know, "memelas". Hahaha.

Just look at her and your stress is suddenly gone! All your problems are gone! She’s magic! Hahaha.

Ok I’m getting crazy.

Photo courtesy of Karl Drilling

“Love language” is the concept developed by Gary Chapman, which defines a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. Everyone has different ways to make others feel loved and appreciated.  Some people prefer to use their own love language when expressing love to others and some would prefer to use other love language(s) than their own to do that.

There are five different love languages that Chapman mentioned:

• Words of Affirmation
  This can be in the form of verbal appreciation, unsolicited compliments, and encouragement. Things like “I love you” or “You look handsome today” mean the world to people of this love language. Hearing the reasons behind that love sends their spirits skyward. Insults can leave them shattered and are not easily forgotten.
• Quality Time
  Spending time and being there with the significant other –with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby– is what quality time all about. Quality conversation is very important for these people, whether it is about sharing experiences, thoughts, feeling, or desires. Quality activities, like doing activities that they love to do with their loved ones, are also a very important part of quality time. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
• Receiving Gifts
  Some people respond well to visual symbols of love. Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous–so would the absence of everyday gestures.
• Acts of Service
  People of this love language view anything that can be done to ease the burden of others as an expression of love and devotion. This can be demonstrated by doing simple chores around the house or doing something without being asked. It is very important to understand what acts of service these people most appreciate. Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
• Physical Touch
  This love language is marked by the desire to be touched. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face–these are some ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

So I hope by now you can identify the love language of the people around you — your family members (including your kids), friends, partner, or boy/girlfriend. Everyone has one primary love language that they speak and it’s not rare to speak one primary language and one secondary language.

One important thing that we must understand about love language is that: all of us need to express our love based on the love language of our  significant other. We need to know their love language in order for us to speak the same language. We need to fill their “love tank” with the right love language so that they would feel loved. If not, “miscommunication” can occur and they would complain that we don’t understand them because they don’t feel that their needs are fulfilled. So, from now on, let’s fill their love tank with the love language they prefer, before it’s being filled by other people! 🙂

My love language is quality time and I tend to speak the same language when expressing my love to others. I just love spending time with friends. Sitting in a café, having dinner together, or traveling together are the things I love to do the most. This is probably the reason why my brother and I can get along really well. The presence of each other means so much to both of us. I love spending time in his room (and he always forced me to be in his room). You might find us singing or dancing like there’s no tomorrow, talking like grown-ups do, or just doing something on our own — it doesn’t matter. We just love to be in each other’s company. That’s probably why I love to have roommates!! 😉

I do get irritated when people postpone or cancel our meet-ups or dates (not all the time, but depending on circumstances and reasons, of course). I also feel awful when people ignore me or pretend to listen to me when they actually don’t. If you’re busy, tell me that you are and I’d definitely understand.

My only grandma, interestingly, loves to receive gifts. I observe that she would appreciate more if others notice what she wants and suddenly buy her the gift. I remember at one time she complained about forgetting to buy meses (chocolate sprinkles or hagelslag). So when I went out with friends, I decided to buy her a pack of meses (I didn’t plan to, but I suddenly remembered when I passed a supermarket). She was soooo happy when I gave it to her! She overly praised me in front of others, although it’s only meses!!! Hehehe. I never understood why she loved receiving things from others, but after finding the five love languages, I understood why she felt that way :).

So, what’s your love language? If you don’t know, you can take the quiz to find it out 🙂

P.S. I haven’t read Chapman’s book and I don’t think I will haha!

P.S.S. If you think I have so much time available to post this stuff on my blog, think again! This has been saved as a draft for almost a month! (in case you’re wondering hihihi)

Sources:

• Official Website: The Five Love Languages
• Book Review: The Five Love Languages
• @AlissaWahid

Don’t turn your head.
Keep looking at the bandaged wound.
That’s where the Light enters you.
And don’t believe for a moment
that you’re healing yourself

— Jalal ad-Din Rumi

In this Ramadhan, all I wish is for Allah SWT to make you the person that I once knew. The person that I had a high regard for. I will beg Him to never leave you behind and always be dear to you. I will make a duaa that you will always remember Him and be constantly reminded every time you are about to displease Him. I will constantly ask Him to forgive you, purify your past mistakes, and make you completely repent.

May Allah SWT soften my heart, erase my wound, and make me one of those people who can sincerely forgive you and be fair to you. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

I always tell people (and myself) that I can never imitate other people’s accents. I’m not Russell Peters. I can’t make fun of accents because I just don’t know how to talk in different accents! But here’s the funny part…

Many people (not one or two, but more than five people!) told me that they thought I was a Sundanese! Can you imagine that?! In the beginning I thought it was weird, until someone pointed out that I had a Sundanese accent sometimes. Say what?! Hahaha.

Now I know why they thought I was a Sundanese. I’ve been spending too much time with the Sundanese people here! hahaha! I gotta tell you, accents are contagious!!! I would never know that I had been talking like a Sundanese until someone pointed that out. Well, I don’t talk 100% like a Sundanese, but there are some “elements”, like words or stress or voice (?) that can be identified directly to a Sundanese.

One thing I failed to realize was that: my accents have been changing depending on where I live and who I talk to the most. Australian. Lebanese. Sundanese. I’ve had those accents (partially) before.

But when I try to imitate those accents, I can never do that! I’m kinda curious though… what kind of accent do I have when I speak English nowadays?! Indonesian? Or just no-accent? 😀

The sun will stand as your best man and whistle when you have found the courage to marry Forgiveness; when you have found the courage to marry Love

— Hafez

You will never completely feel at ease until you firmly believe that Allah has already pre-ordained all matters. The pen has dried and with it has been written everything that will happen to you. Therefore do not feel remorse over that which is not in your hands. Do not think that you could have prevented the fence from falling, the water from flowing, the wind from blowing, or the glass from breaking. You could not have prevented these things, whether you wanted to or not. All that has been pre-ordained shall come to pass.

— Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni in Don’t Be Sad

I know that this is not the path that I want to take, but I’m determined to do the best I can now. Maybe KL will open many doors for me. I’m not going to give up, though. I’m still going to realize that dream. It could be in another form. It could be in any other country. It could be something totally different. Allah knows what’s best for me 🙂