Project 365

It’s funny that I used to refuse to mingle with the Indonesians when I was in Brisbane. I knew some of them, but I never really got close to them somehow. In the beginning, my purpose was clear enough. I wanted to improve my English (and I can tell you my English was just AWFUL). So I had to spend more time with the native speakers, or at least with the people from other nations.

The other reason was to do with their lifestyle. I felt like we had different lifestyles and purposes in life. We had different ways of thinking. They had their own group of friends and were not that open with getting to know new people. They barely had non-Indonesian friends. Seriously, why would anyone go abroad if they still had the "same type" of people?! That’s what I thought, at least.

It wasn’t until the last year of my university that I got to know more Indonesians. But we weren’t that close actually. My weekends were still spent with my non-Indonesian friends. I had my own comfort zone and I was happy with that :).

Ironically, in the Netherlands, I spend most of my time with the Indonesians! I still have friends from different parts of the world, but I occasionally hang out with them — once a month, at most. My choice had to do with yet another reason of lifestyle. I am kinda sick of going to a bar, which is a weekly activity they do to catch up. Although the bar is located in campus, I no longer feel comfortable being there at all. I used to be okay with that. Maybe because I always went with my housemate Jenn (who kinda protected me) whenever we went to these kinds of places (because at that time, I was quite active in a student organization, so it was ‘impossible’ for me not to attend the events which were mostly held in the bars).  Or maybe because I was just not in the mood of going there anymore. But whatever the reason was, I try to avoid going there as much as possible. I would prefer a nice dinner over anything else. And they know it.

I have to admit that in the beginning, it’s weird to mingle with the Indonesians again :D. I had a few bits of cultural shock hehhee. Being a jilbaber*, people expected me to behave in certain ways, especially to the opposite sex. So I kinda have to remind and ‘limit’ myself so as to prevent uneasy feelings. Back to the basic, yeah?!

It’s also weird that up until now, I feel more comfortable being with my non-Indonesian friends, despite our ‘closeness’ and frequency of meet ups. (Okay, I am close to Jessie, but I don’t see her as an Indonesian hahaha. I was close to Arya too and he was an exception). I don’t know why. I always feel like there are some kind of barriers between me and the Indonesians, that prevent us to be close friends. We never get into serious talks. Our conversation is always on the surface. I don’t feel like I’m free to say whatever I want. It just doesn’t flow smoothly. And that’s why I used to complain about being so lonely in my first year of university. I got many friends and I met them often, but ironically I felt lonely. There was a missing connection between us and I couldn’t quite figure it out what it was.

I wonder if I’d always feel this way? Or is it just part of ‘getting used’ to everything? Or maybe because I’m just being picky. Or maybe it’s just a matter of finding like-minded friends… I don’t know.

* a woman who wears headscarf 😀