Project 365

Stories like this stripped away my excitement to go back to Indonesia for good.

It took me years to finally be certain about going back. I finally knew what I wanted to do. I pledged to take this as yet another challenge. I wanted to do this. For real.

Then I read about Ahmadiya people being brutally murdered. Then there were church attacks. It hurts me. This is my country. How can they be so cruel and intolerant?! People have been saying to me about provocateurs or some parties being paid to do that for some weird agenda. I don’t care about those. The fact that the government can’t even protect the rights of minority citizens saddens me. This has been happening for years. Yet, nothing was done. I’m extremely disappointed.

Then that story of injustice was spread. An emotional story written by a girl whose mother was jailed for 10 years and was fined 10 billion rupiah (USD 1.12 million). The story showed how rare justice was in our country. I shouldn’t believe her story 100%, but this is too common. She’s not the only one. There are many people who experienced the same thing.

Going back to Indonesia seems to be a burden now. I know that this can’t be changed. The decision has been finalized. There’s nothing I can do right now, except to imagine the beautiful Indonesia with beautiful beaches… Take me back to that dream, please!

I’ve decided now (again) that I’m going to avoid reading any news about Indonesia. I’ll unfollow those Indo tweets. I’ll unsubscribe the newspapers from my Google Reader. I’ll stop reading anything about my country. I know I’m being paranoid, but I don’t want to go back with a heavy heart. I want to go back because I want to. Not because I need to.