Though I’m busy with thesis, I don’t want to completely disappear from the world. Most of my friends do that and I don’t think I’ll be able to afford that. There needs to be a balance in everything. Thesis, social life, organization activities, and faith/religion. Ya Allah, I won’t be able to do this without You. Always guide and help me please :).
I can’t believe it was a year ago that I decided to start this Project 365. The purpose was simple enough. I wanted to write more often and remember the things that I did in the past, and more importantly: I wanted to be grateful each and everyday.
I’m a complainer. Most of the time I didn’t realize I was complaining the whole time. And that’s not good at all. It’s not good for me and for the person who listens to my grumble. It needs to stop!
But doing this project forces me to think about something that makes me grateful each day, even though I might face the ugliest problem in my whole life. What I learn from this is that, there must be something good everyday. There must be something that makes you grateful! You just have to stop focusing on the bad thing and start searching for the good thing.
Anyway, in the beginning I was quite skeptical about doing a one-post-per-day project. I knew it would fail at some point. And indeed, it hasn’t been easy. Finding the time and a topic to write is perhaps the hardest thing about doing this project. When I went to Indonesia last year, I didn’t get to write a single post merely because I got no internet at home. As thesis and social life have started to drown me, I wrote less often. The posts became useless over time. But it didn’t stop me from writing anyway. I tried to write anything that I encountered, even though I would missed some days.
As 21 February is approaching very soon (the day when I started writing a year ago), should I continue writing? Should I stop? Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. It really depends. I’m getting VERY busy and I’m enjoying it, to be honest. My motivation is on the highest level. But I hope I’ll be able to write few posts per week 🙂
Stories like this stripped away my excitement to go back to Indonesia for good.
It took me years to finally be certain about going back. I finally knew what I wanted to do. I pledged to take this as yet another challenge. I wanted to do this. For real.
Then I read about Ahmadiya people being brutally murdered. Then there were church attacks. It hurts me. This is my country. How can they be so cruel and intolerant?! People have been saying to me about provocateurs or some parties being paid to do that for some weird agenda. I don’t care about those. The fact that the government can’t even protect the rights of minority citizens saddens me. This has been happening for years. Yet, nothing was done. I’m extremely disappointed.
Then that story of injustice was spread. An emotional story written by a girl whose mother was jailed for 10 years and was fined 10 billion rupiah (USD 1.12 million). The story showed how rare justice was in our country. I shouldn’t believe her story 100%, but this is too common. She’s not the only one. There are many people who experienced the same thing.
Going back to Indonesia seems to be a burden now. I know that this can’t be changed. The decision has been finalized. There’s nothing I can do right now, except to imagine the beautiful Indonesia with beautiful beaches… Take me back to that dream, please!
I’ve decided now (again) that I’m going to avoid reading any news about Indonesia. I’ll unfollow those Indo tweets. I’ll unsubscribe the newspapers from my Google Reader. I’ll stop reading anything about my country. I know I’m being paranoid, but I don’t want to go back with a heavy heart. I want to go back because I want to. Not because I need to.
I just realized that I’ve got a lot of things I have to take care of!!! (besides thesis, of course) Here goes the list:
I love being busy, but I didn’t realize that I had a lot of things to be responsible for! Be positive, work hard, and SMILE! 🙂
I was suddenly asked to be photographed for a friend’s portfolio few weeks ago. I never ever did it before so I was like, uh?! I didn’t know how to pose. The most difficult thing was to do a "bitchy" pose hahaha. I seriously couldn’t do it. My face was just not meant for that. I love to smile and laugh so that was hard. Somebody had to make me angry first.
But then, there was this random thought (as usual) running through my mind about modeling. It was: HOW BORING IT IS! I just couldn’t think myself of being a model. Well, I’m not pretty, beautiful, tall, or whatever. I’m sure nobody would want to see myself in the magazine. LOL. But if I were, I would have NOT been interested in modeling at all. I found it so boring. The only thing you’d do is posing, posing, and posing. What else, seriously? Oh, being famous, of course. But that’s not always the case. It’s nothing challenging.
(UPDATE: I think the most challenging thing was to be able to stand in the COLD place for hours!!!)
Just my random and useless rants :).
It only contains my name, email, and website URL. But hey, I got one! 😀
*Posted on my Twitter, but I gotta put it here too…
2000 was the year of freedom. I got the opportunity to live far away from my parents for the first time in my life. It felt great to finally be the pilot of my own life. I was in control of everything.
2004 was about getting away from my comfort zone and experiencing things that I never experienced before. My love for cultures started here.
2007 was the important milestone of my life. I was one of the proudest kids around. But farewell was the hardest thing. I had to do it…
2008 was a dream come true. I had been wanting to step into this continent since high school. I finally made it! Alhamdulillah.
What will 2011 be for me? Insya Allah I’ll pass yet another milestone. And it’ll be the year when I’ll be searching for my passion and my home.
I used to be passionate about one thing that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. But that passion was gone. I’m searching for a new one. And how about home? I haven’t found one. And that’s okay. Coz that means I won’t stop exploring 🙂
I still remember the comment in my blog by a blogger friend of mine, Mulia, loooong time ago. "Luck is not for free. The more you get, the more you have to give." That comment struck me. And I’m determined to pay it back. That’ll be my focus from 2012 onwards. Amin.
I may not be certain about what exactly I’ll do in the future, but I know that I’m going to work in an NGO somewhere outside of Java, preferably Aceh. If I have enough money, I’m seriously considering volunteering in Palestine, but that’s still impossible.
I realize now that the only reason for me feeling rather hesitated to go back to Indonesia is because of Jakarta! I don’t want to live there. I’m not excited to live there for too long. So now I have to find a place somewhere outside of Java to live in. Friends suggested me Bali or Balikpapan. Well, let’s just see where I’ll end up in :).
To conclude: there isn’t anything in my life that I regret. I’m grateful for everything. Alhamdulillah. Allah is great.
A card from a little girl 🙂 It instantly made my day!!!!
Love you too! 🙂
Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.
And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.
I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the willfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathize enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.
— J.K. Rowling at Harvard University Commencement, 5 June 2008
Imagination also enables me to be more grateful about my life, for whatever hardships I have endured, others have experienced much rougher life than I have 🙂
Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! Happy New Year! Let’s celebrate our life and wish for an exciting one this year!
Two months ago, I wrote about a close friend of mine who was going to get married next year and who "forced" me to be her maid of honor. I didn’t reveal who she was because it wasn’t official yet. But today, I got a message from her saying that she’s officially engaged!!! I was so delighted to hear it! It was a mix of joy and tears! I knew that she and her boyfriend were going to get engaged anyway. But you know, sometimes you just felt so moved that those tears couldn’t be stopped…
The euphoria of visiting Brisbane and seeing her one more time has got me again! Aaaah, I’m so excited! I’m kinda picturing of how the wedding is going to be like. I know that it’s going to be a small and simple one (I like it!!). But will there be any Japanese elements in it? Or perhaps a mixture of Japanese and Aussie culture? I’ve never been to any weddings where the bride and groom came from two very different countries. So I’m thrilled!