The hurt you embrace becomes joy
Call it to your arms where it can changeA silkworm eating leaves makes a cocoon
Each of us weaves a chamber of leaves and sticksSilkworms begin to truly exist
as they disappear inside that roomWithout legs, we fly
When I stop speaking, this poem will close,
and open its silent wings…
— Jalal ad-Din Rumi
There’s always hope in everything…
I was invited for a dinner in Helmond with a couple of friends. It was lovely! We had a nice conversation over dinner. And the foods were just DELICIOUS! It was a full course Dutch dinner, consisting of 6 different courses. I LOVE THEM! 🙂
Jessie, if you read this… I wish you were here with us :'( MISS YOU! xoxo
Two months ago, I wrote about a close friend of mine who was going to get married next year and who "forced" me to be her maid of honor. I didn’t reveal who she was because it wasn’t official yet. But today, I got a message from her saying that she’s officially engaged!!! I was so delighted to hear it! It was a mix of joy and tears! I knew that she and her boyfriend were going to get engaged anyway. But you know, sometimes you just felt so moved that those tears couldn’t be stopped…
The euphoria of visiting Brisbane and seeing her one more time has got me again! Aaaah, I’m so excited! I’m kinda picturing of how the wedding is going to be like. I know that it’s going to be a small and simple one (I like it!!). But will there be any Japanese elements in it? Or perhaps a mixture of Japanese and Aussie culture? I’ve never been to any weddings where the bride and groom came from two very different countries. So I’m thrilled!
As you prepare your breakfast, think of others
Don’t forget to feed the pigeons.As you conduct your wars, think of others
Don’t forget those who want peace.As you pay your water bill, think of others
Think of those who have only the clouds to drink from.As you go home, your own home, think of others
Don’t forget those who live in tents.As you sleep and count the planets, think of others
There are people who have no place to sleep.As you liberate yourself with metaphors, think of others
Those who have lost their right to speak.As you think of distant others
Think of yourself and say
I wish I were a candle in the darkness
— Mahmoud Darwish, a Palestinian poet
This is an excellent talk by Dr. Brené Brown. And yes, she’s a research professor who has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. So this talk is actually based on her decade of research into this topic! I’m not going to write all the things she said, because you really need to watch it (she’s a great storyteller!).
But there’s one thing that kinda struck me, which is of course vulnerability. I hate to be vulnerable. I really hate that because I feel so weak. And I don’t like to be weak. When friends asked me if I were okay, I would say yes, although I felt like crying inside. When I felt betrayed, I barely wanted to admit it. When somebody didn’t treat me right, I acted as if I didn’t care, but I actually did. The point is, I never wanted to admit that I was affected, hurt, or broken-hearted, especially to the person who caused me so. And I never wanted to let myself loving someone so deeply because of fear of separation. This is all related to weakness (and being looked as a weak human being), fear of something, and my image (of being strong and the urge to keep that image with me).
Then I questioned myself, WHY IN THE WORLD DID I DO THAT?!
Clearly, I’ve been unconscious! And I was awaken by Brene, this video. She taught me that it’s okay to be vulnerable. She said, "Vulnerability is at the core of fear, anxiety, shame, and very difficult emotions that we all experience. But vulnerability is also the birth place of joy, love, belonging, creativity, faith…."
We tend to deal with our vulnerability by "numbing" vulnerability. Evidence includes debts, over weight, addiction to alcohol or drugs or even busy-ness. But the problem is that, we can’t selectively numb emotions. If we numb "the bad things" like vulnerability, grief, shame, and disappointments, we automatically numb the other good things, like joy, gratitude, and happiness. That’s when we feel miserable, looking for the purpose and meaning of life, etc. And that’s bad, isn’t it?
So how do we do it? How do we live wholeheartedly?
We have to fully embrace vulnerability, not deny it. We’re not only have to embrace our vulnerability, but also need to embrace the vulnerability of others. It’s our vulnerability that makes us beautiful. The willingness to love others first with our whole hearts. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. The willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out (ouch!).
We also need to have the courage to be imperfect and let ourselves deeply and vulnerably seen. Tell the world about who we really are. Be honest about it and never let what other people think about us in any way paralyze us. And that’s the first step of worthiness, believing that we are worthy of love and belonging. That’s really important in order to live wholeheartedly. We also need to be compassionate. Caring others genuinely and loving them with our whole hearts. To practice gratitude and joy is also essential. Being thankful for what we have and honoring what’s ordinary about our lives: our loved ones, friends, community, and nature. And lastly, to believe that we’re enough 🙂
We want more guarantees. We we want to believe that we we’re not going to get hurt and that bad things aren’t going to happen and they are, but there is a guarantee that nobody talks about and that is that if we don’t allow ourselves to experience joy and love, we will definitely miss out on filling our reservoir with what we need when those hard things happen
I’m going to start to embrace my vulnerability for now. Somehow I found it much easier to embrace other’s vulnerabilities than my own. Bismillah. Let me be free.
Yippy. I’m officially a TED translator. I’m still waiting for my request to translate this video to be approved, hopefully within this week!
As I’m a big fan of TED, I decided to spend some hours of my time to translate some of the videos into Indonesian. The good thing about being a TED Translator is that you’re not bind into some contract or anything like that. You have the choice to translate whatever video you like and you’re given 30 days to complete it (after which, other TED Translators may take over). So it’s very flexible!
If you have the time, I encourage you be part of the community so that we can spread those ideas worth spreading to even more wider audience! 🙂
To the woman who has given me endless inspirations…
To the woman who has taught me how it is to be a real woman…
To the woman who never fails to remind me to be strong…
To the only woman who has given me life…
To my only mom. Happy Mother’s Day. I love you always.
Last March, I wrote about Sir Ken Robinson who is the world-renowned education and creativity expert. I watched his talks on TED and YouTube and I actually really like some of his brilliant views on education.
One thing he said about the current education system is that it is "modeled on the interests of industrialism and the image of it". For example, schools are still organized on factory lines: ringing bells, separate facilities, and specializations into separate subjects. Children are also educated by batches. They are put into the system by age group (a great analogy for products grouped by the date of manufacture), when in fact some children of the same age perform better than the rest of the group. Some of them are also flourished when they work in smaller groups, large groups, or even alone. Children are not like products, in which they are the same. They have different capabilities. When products do not pass the standardized tests, they are destroyed or be sold for cheaper price. But we can’t do the same thing to these children. Some children perform better in some disciplines than the others. And what’s the used of these tests or exams? Why is getting high grades the most important thing in this world? (I still see most of job advertisements in Indonesia requiring future employees to have certain minimum grades. How sad!)
Sir Robinson said: "if you are interested in the model of education, you don’t start from the production line mentality." 🙂 We don’t need a reform in our education system. But we certainly need to transform the system.
Knock,
And He’ll open the door
Vanish,
And He’ll make you shine like the sun
Fall,
And He’ll raise you to the heavens
Become nothing,
And He’ll turn you into everything.
— Jalal ad-Din Rumi
I just love this one 🙂
