Project 365

I was in Helmond since morning. Playing with baby Mentari, cooking, and talking. I slept over there, at Teh Desi’s place for a night. I was asked to accompany her as her husband was away for some work. I loved playing with Mentari. She’s very calm and seldom cry. She would sit on my lap for a very long time. Sometimes we watched stuff on YouTube. Sometimes we watched TV. She would just sit there and tried to observe things that she could see. She was only 4 months old though (going to 5) and I’m sure she’ll be like her mom, dad, and grandparents whose academic achievement was just astonishing and unquestionable! It ran through the blood of the whole family! 😀

Love her to bits!

Have a decent rest, hey you. I hope you will be greeted with good news tomorrow. My prayers go to your granddad tonight. And I wish him well soon.

Sweet dreams. Sleep tight. And good night.

Talk to you tomorrow, my friend.

Mom sent me a message asking me if I have any plans for the summer; otherwise I could just go back to Indonesia. My cousin is getting married and mom wants me to be present. My sis is going to attend the wedding too.

I don’t want to go. I really want to attend my cousin’s wedding, but right now I’m really trying to save money for my extended study here. It’s already stressing me out that I couldn’t be able to pay for the tuition fee. I don’t know. I’m trying to get a loan from the bank which I have no idea if it’s ever possible. I’m still waiting for the answer from the university.

I haven’t told my mom about my decision yet. I’m going to work my ass off this summer. I have to get money to fund my living cost for the next 6 months I’m here (starting from September). I have to make sure that I have enough money, so that I can focus on my thesis the moment my scholarship finishes. I really hope.

Ya Allah, open the doors for me, please. Help me.

Maureen contacted me today to tell me that she’s getting married this Thursday! What a good news! The ceremony is going to be held in Enschede, which takes about 3 hours from here. It’s very far and the transportation cost is a bit crazy. I’m quite broke already, but I can’t say no to this one! I really want to witness one of her happiest moments. I want to be present at her big day. I’m really happy for her!! I can’t wait for Thursday.

I’m trying to get my friend Ian to come with me on Thursday, so that we can share the transport costs (well, it’s only 5 euro difference if you ask me!). And I want him to see how a simple Indonesian wedding is like. I’ve been trying to expose him to Indonesian culture for some time now. The language, movie (we watched Merantau already! And we loved it!), etiquette, foods (those which he hasn’t tried, because he eats Indonesian foods almost everyday), and so on. I’m not a good teacher, but I’m trying my best 😀

When the good news came, the bad news followed. Few hours ago, I was shocked by my friend’s tweet:

Inalilahi wa inailahi rojiun telah berpulang kesisinya sahabat kita RICKY THORIQ PRAMUJATI.. Semoga amal ibadahnya diterima disisiNYA amin.

I couldn’t believe it when I read his tweet. Thoriq (as we used to call him) was my high school’s friend. We weren’t very close and occasionally had brief conversations, but I just couldn’t imagine having to lose another friend. He was the second third person from our batch to pass away. I offer my deep condolences to his family.

Eindhoven was raining all day today! It wasn’t the best weather, but I enjoyed it. I went to the city with Jessie and do some shopping. I finally got my purple jacket for a discounted price! I was so happy! 😀 I had been going to that shop for several times only to find that it was too pricey. But the jacket was on discount today so I was quite pleased.

The thing about living here (or anywhere in the world which has 4 different seasons), having coats or jackets for each of the 4 seasons (or in my case, 3 seasons, since I treat spring and fall to have the same weather), is really important. I didn’t know it until I was here. For the winter, I have one jacket designed for temperature below -2 degrees Celsius and a coat designed for temperature -2 degrees and up. I also have one coat for temperature between 8 to 15 degrees, which I usually wear during fall or spring, and one jacket for temperature above 15 degrees. The gloves and shawls also need to cater for different weather. I have 3 different gloves for extremely cold weather, mild weather, and raining season, and 2 different shawls for cold and mild weather.

One thing I don’t like about living here (uhm, not really lol) is that I don’t get to wear my flat shoes or sandals frequently. It’s too cold to wear it during all seasons except summer, which only lasts for few weeks (and it’s not always warm, by the way). So I wear closed shoes most of the times: boots and sneakers become really handy. I prefer to wear sandals though. Or even flip flops. They are comfortable.

Anyway, as I walked back home today (after a nice conversation with Jessie over an ice cream), I realized that the leaves of all the trees were visible now! That means, summer is approaching (uhm, okay, it’s still a long way to go). Spring remains my favorite season though, so I’m quite sad to see the tulips and all other flowers were beginning to die. See you next year, spring! Going to miss you 🙂

For numerous times, Ari and I talked until so late today — until 5am! I couldn’t believe myself that I could stay up that late knowing that my energy was worn out due to Queen’s day and the preparation for our weekly pengajian. But I did that anyway, and I slept just after Fajr prayer.

I was awoken by a phone call from a friend in Leiden at 9am. It was at this time that I got a major headache that lasted until the evening. She had some problems and was even crying when she called me. I was still very tired but couldn’t really say anything except trying to calm her down and gave her my opinions and possible solutions. This kind of thing was unexpected; but I knew that if I needed help, I would perhaps annoyed people too. Hehehe. But I was glad that I picked up the phone and tried my best to help her.

I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn’t really sleep very well. I had to wake up and get ready by 1.30pm anyway. I went to Helmond at around 2pm; I was invited by Jess to celebrate his father’s birthday. Jess’s mom, bu Rosita, cooked a super delicious sate padang!!! I ate like crazy hahhaa. I think I ate more than 15 tusuk lol. Our friends, Windi and Heru also joined the celebration and we talked, talked, and talked! It was fun and we laughed a lot!

I reached home around 9pm and prepared myself to go to bed straight away. My headache didn’t get any better — it was even worst! I called my friend (who called me this morning) again to make sure she’s okay and went to sleep. By the time I was suddenly awake at 3am, I realized my headache was gone. Alhamdulillah.

Such a tiring day, yet fun! Ari, Jessie, and I planned to do an ice skating tomorrow, but it seemed like the plan would be canceled. So, I’m going to spend my Sunday for myself quietly.

Everyday I check my mobile phone hoping that I get a missed call or a text message from you.

Every time you send me an instant message and ask me how I’m doing, I wonder if you miss me.

Sometimes I wonder if I was ever on your mind today. Or yesterday. Or the day before yesterday. Would you let me know if you did?

Then I thought, why would I hope for such a thing? Why would I wonder about something that will not lead me to any concrete point?

Perhaps, I am just curious. I want to feel secured. I want to feel like I am not the only person in the world hoping and wondering for such things. Knowing the answer to these bits would make me smile.

Eventually.

And a sign for them (of Our power) is that We carried their ancestors in a laden ship (Prophet Nuh’s ship) and We created for them from the likes of it that which they ride. And if We should will, We could drown them; then no one responding to a cry would there be for them, nor would they be saved. Except as a mercy from Us and provision for a time.

Dan suatu tanda (kebesaran Allah yang besar) bagi mereka adalah bahwa Kami angkut nenek moyang mereka dalam bahtera (kapal) yang penuh muatan dan Kami ciptakan untuk mereka yang akan mereka kendarai seperti bahtera itu. Dan jika Kami menghendaki niscaya Kami tenggelamkan mereka, maka tiadalah bagi mereka penolong dan tidak pula mereka diselamatkan. Tetapi (Kami selamatkan mereka) karena rahmat yang besar dari Kami dan untuk memberikan kesenangan hidup sampai kepada suatu ketika. (Al-Qur’an 36:41-44)

During today’s Qur’an study, our discussion came to the heart of the Qur’an, surah Yaasin. I learned many things today (as usual) but one thing that came across was those particular verses. I was told that Prophet Nuh (or Noah) was like Prophet Adam “the second” (i.e. Nabi Adam kedua). We’re all the offspring of Prophet Nuh. As can be read from those verses above, the people of Nuh was saved with his ship and Allah SWT showed them mercy and saved them (although they all could be drown and died). The flood happened not just in the area where they lived, it happened in the whole world, subhanallah. Imagine if Allah SWT did not save them, would there be still us?

That’s why we need to be thankful for each and everything we achieved and received. Allah is The Most Merciful. So never hesitate to seek mercy from Allah SWT.

A friend asked me over YM: “How did you know this guy – the time when you were not using your brain?”

Yes, it’s so harsh, I know. I was even offended when he said it. But he’s always been like that. He say things honestly without thinking about what the other person will feel like. Yes, he’s too mean. We fought many times because of it. But I always turned to him for opinions.

When I said to him about how nice the guy was, he just went on to tell me: “I just don’t listen easily to a judgement made under the condition where a brain is absent.” OUCH! It directly stabbed my heart!

But, for whatever reasons, I appreciate that he said those mean words to me. Perhaps, I need someone to remind me that what I did was absolutely wrong. I shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. I needed someone to slap my face. And he successfully did that to me. Thanks a bunch, Kram for the reminder 🙂

I spent almost the whole day with him today. I’m happy. He’s happy. We’re happy.

And that would be the last time we spend time together as “friends”. We’ve made the decision. And I think that’s the best thing that we can do. Can we do that? Will we stay to our words when the next time we meet?

…

But I do feel a little bit sad knowing that I won’t receive his call or sms everyday. I won’t hear the sweet words he used to utter to me. And I won’t probably see him as often as I do now. I’ll definitely be missing those.

But I guess, if we don’t take any actions now we’ll suffer more later. And I don’t want that to happen. None of us want that.

Thank you for the memories, sayang. Thank you for treating me the way I wanted to be treated. Thank you for making me feel important. Let’s seek for the better future, shall we?